so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
