I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
