i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
