I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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