Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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