i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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