Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
