Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
