you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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