If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
