Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're my little dorito
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
