Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
