I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
