oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
