i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
