I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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