Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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