Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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