My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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