Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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