Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
