her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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