I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize