Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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