so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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