you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
