Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

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(813): View more from Florida

Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.

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(516): View more from New York

I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.

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(229): View more from Georgia

I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is

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(908): View more from New Jersey

He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis

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