If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize