glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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