Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
