who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
