We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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