i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
smell my finger.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
