Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
