So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
