My boss' voice literally gives me gas
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
