problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
