Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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