I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize