tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
