Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
