Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
