its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
