I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have fence marks all over my body
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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