I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
