you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
