Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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