He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
