Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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