He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
