Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
