Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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