she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
