Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
