ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
