She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
