oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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