I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
