He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
