I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
