you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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