i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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