I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
