he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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