He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sobbing to NWA
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
