At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
