just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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