so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
