i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
