She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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